Another Piece of Latex Bites the Dust

I was all ready to go today and…

…literally 2 minutes before my sub arrived, my pants tore. Just from using my thumb (no nail) to ease it up my leg.

What it felt like when it happened was like my thumb pushed through butter. Like there’s weaknesses in the latex or something.

I need to stop buying anything Skin Two. They use the thinnest latex and it tears too easily. This is like the third thing that’s torn on the 1st or 2nd wear. And would you believe this is the SECOND time it’s happened with these pants? I don’t want to spend $100 on something I wear once, thanks.

I’ve never had the problem with any other brand — including Chinese no-name stuff.

Interview with Coalition Radio

On Friday the 16th, I was interviewed by Pat of Coalition Radio. In the interview, I discuss the SESTA bill. I touch on various related issues, but focus on what I believe are the psychosocial origins of the legislation.

You can listen here:

(This is an hour-long interview. Those who have attention issues [raises hand] may find it more palatable to listen to it in smaller chunks.)

Business to avoid: Eurotique (updated)

I discourage anyone from doing business with Eurotique in Florida. I had an awful experience with them, and the owner, Chrissy Grieco, was very rude and unethical with Me.

Now, this may seem long, but I want to include the entirety of My experience with them.

On February 22, 2016, I ordered a vegan cat o’nine tails from their website. The price was $189.99.

I was contacted two days later by Jennifer. She said, “The flogger that you ordered is currently out of stock and will take up to 4 weeks to make.” I was then offered a couple of different leather options for a flogger and asked what I would like to do. I said I needed it to be vegan and that I would wait for it to be made.

Three days later, I was contacted and told they were having trouble sourcing the material and would I be interested in another vegan material like rope. I said the only thing I could use would be quality faux suede or faux leather.

I didn’t hear back by March 5th, so I sent an email to check on the status.

I received a reply on March 8th saying they couldn’t find any other materials and offered Me a couple more options for rubber floggers or a refund. I explained that I already had some rubber floggers and I specifically was looking for a cat o’nine tails. I said that if they couldn’t make the product for Me, I was willing to purchase a corset instead. The price of the corset I wanted happened to be the same.

After receiving some help with sizing via email, I received the corset on March 12th. It was a smooth, black satin brocade with a paisley design. Very pretty. I noticed it still had a hanging price tag attached, which read, “$129.99”. Immediately, I was confused. I had paid $189.99 for this. Was there some kind of a mistake? Was I being ripped off?

I contacted Jennifer that evening and the next day she told Me that I was sent the wrong corset. That they apparently make a cheaper version of this corset, which is the one I was sent. She asked if I wanted to return it. I had some concerns about if the difference between the two might cause sizing problems, but on March 17th I told her that I would keep this cheaper version and would like a refund for the difference.

By March 22nd I had not received the difference so I sent an email to follow up.

On March 24th I received an email from Jennifer stating that she had processed My refund.

Shortly after that, I wore it for about 3 hours total. Then, I put it back in My closet.

When I took it out for a second wear, which was on October 13th (sounds like a long time, but anyone who has a large wardrobe and many corsets knows you may not wear the same corset for a while), I began to tighten the laces and I noticed the fabric was pulling away from the seam at one of the front bones. I took a photo of it:


I removed the corset and emailed Eurotique the next day, explaining that I had only worn it once and it was coming apart at the seams. I included the above photo.

Jennifer replied with an apology and stated, “That should not have happened, so of course we will exchange it for you. Please send the corset back to us and we will send you a

I asked for a return label, which she provided, and I sent it back.

On October 31st I received the replacement corset. To My surprise, the fabric was completely different. It was now a matte black fabric with a floral swirl pattern and it felt rough to the touch:


I figured they made a mistake and sent Me the wrong corset. I emailed them and said, “If this was a mistake, I’d just like to return it for the exact same corset I ordered and returned to you. If you made a substitution, I would have appreciated it if you would have asked me.

Jennifer replied, “The corset that you received is the same style that you ordered before, only it is made with a different brocade. The last fabric was defective which is why it tore, so we are now using this brocade on this style.

I replied, “With all due respect, if you have to swap the fabric, you really might want to notify the customer before you send them a product. A quick email, ‘Hey, we no longer use the same fabric because it doesn’t work with a corset. We instead use this. Is this okay with you or would you like to select something else?’ Because what if the customer does not like the new fabric?

By November 4th, I received no reply, so I emailed and stated that I didn’t like the new fabric and that I’d like to return the corset for something with a fabric which is similar to the one I ordered.

I received a reply from the owner, Chrissy Greio, on November 4th:

“We have been working with you on this issue sine March of 2016.  Our
return policy is 3 days from receipt for store credit or exchange.  You
didn¹t notify us of a problem with the corset until October 14, 2016.  I
have absolutely no idea how many times you may have worn the corset.

We replaced the corset for you and even paid for the freight both ways as
good will.

I will offer a 50% discount off another corset for you as long as you
purchase it by November 30, 2016.  The only shiny material we currently
have is satin.”

This is where I started getting angry. I had been incredibly patient with their continual problems — not having something advertised, waiting for it to be made only to be told they couldn’t, being sent the wrong corset, having the ask for a refund twice, getting a corset which ended up starting to fall apart after a single wear, getting a replacement that had nothing in common with the one I ordered other than it was black — and Ms. Greico’s tone is that I am the problem here and she’s doing Me a favor by, you know, doing her job.

I replied the same day:

“Yes, I have also been working with you on this issue. It has actually been multiple issues. None of which are any fault of mine.

In some instances a customer will not know there is a problem with the item within 3 days. This is why there are warranties. I should not suffer a loss because the merchandise reveals itself to be faulty after those three days. In this case, I wore the corset only once, shortly after I received it in March. I wore it for about 3 hours total. Then, on Thursday October 13th, I put the corset on for the second time. This is when I noticed that the fabric had pulled away from one of the seams, as shown in the photo I have again attached. I emailed on Friday the 14th to ask about an exchange. Jennifer agreed that the corset should not have done that with only 3 hours wear. She also later stated that the fabric was “defective”.

If you understand corsets and what they look like when worn, you will be able to tell that the corset has barely been worn. Look at the fabric, the bones, the eyelets, the laces, etc. You will see I could not have worn it extensively because there is no wear.

With all due respect, your paying the cost of shipping on faulty merchandise is your responsibility as the merchant. Again, the customer should not suffer a loss when the issue is not their fault. None of the issues I have had with your company are my fault in any way: that your site stated you sold something you actually did not have available, to what was supposed to be a 4-week wait for the item ended up with my being told the material could not be sourced, to being sent the wrong corset, to receiving a corset which started coming apart at a seam, to being sent a new corset which used a completely different fabric that the one I purchased without anyone bothering to check in with me to make sure I’d still want it. So, please explain why you’re acting like this is somehow my fault.

I don’t want to buy another corset. I just want to exchange this one for another one that is similar.”

I did not receive a reply and so I sent a follow up on November 14th.

I’ve waited and no reply.

Now, today, I called and asked to speak with her.

It began friendly enough. I told her I had been waiting on a reply for a month. She said that she had two bounce-backs from My email. To be honest, I do not believe her. Let’s say, though, that it was true. Why didn’t she call Me to resolve this professionally? She had My number.

The call quickly went downhill. I explained that you can’t just sent someone a product that looks different than the one they agreed to purchase from you without notifying them, and that I just wanted to exchange it for something in a similar fabric. I used an analogy that it’s like if I bought a chair from someone and ordered it with a certain upholstery and had to return it because there was a problem, and then they sent Me a new chair with a different upholstery without notifying Me. That’s not really going to fly with people.

She didn’t care. She refused to accept a return of this corset. She very rudely said, “I have gone above and beyond for you. There’s nothing more I can do.

Which, if you know anything about customer service, not only is this nothing resembling “going above and beyond”, but you do not treat your customer like you are doing them a favor for accepting a return on your merchandise because it’s falling apart and because it’s not actually the same product they ordered.

I told her this is not the corset I agreed to purchase, and that instead of an exchange I now would like a refund, but since she is refusing, I would have to go about getting My money back in a different way. I told her that I would be mailing the corset back to her and contesting the charges with My credit card. She then said, “I guess it will get lost in the mail.” (!) Wow. She just told Me she’s going to commit fraud!

I told her I was astounded by this and I couldn’t believe that she was treating a customer is this manner — especially in this day and age, where I can easily share My experience with the world — and she hung up on Me.

I am absolutely floored by her behavior and the refusal to accept an exchange on a corset that I did not consent to buy — and her telling Me that she will lie and pretend she didn’t get the corset!

I highly suggest everyone avoid this business. They are only one of many, many people who sell corsets and BDSM gear. Knowing that they essentially have a three-day warranty on their merchandise, and that if you need to exchange something, you are just supposed to accept whatever they send you, is reason enough to spend your money elsewhere. There’s absolutely no reason why anyone should risk this headache and tolerate this kind of treatment.

UPDATE (12/15/16): Peter Grieco left a comment on My Yelp review which accuses Me of “ruining” the corset and threatening to “ruin [their] reputation” if they “didn’t do what [I] said”. Anyone who knows Me, knows I wouldn’t pull this kind of shit. I don’t threaten to ruin people. I do however ask people to be accountable for selling Me faulty merchandise and sending replacements which don’t look like the thing I paid them for.

These people would rather slander their customers than be accountable for their unethical behavior and business practices. Run the other way.

UPDATE (01/18/17): On January 3rd, I contacted the credit card I used for the purchase with the intent to dispute the charge. I explained the situation and they told Me they were going to send My case to the department that processes disputes. I received a letter in the mail saying they have tentatively credited Me for the cost and requested I fill out some paperwork with details of the transaction and My attempt to resolve it. I am waiting for their reply. (I don’t anticipate any issue. The merchant is basically trying to force Me to buy something I didn’t agree to purchase.)

Venting, mostly about email hosts

A very frustrating couple of weeks for Me.

Lots of problems trying to migrate to a new email host. Would you believe I’m on My third? In only a two week period?

The first move was to the company who acts as the registrar for a couple of My domains. Everything seemed alright until, about a week into it, I ended up with the sudden influx of spam, all the same kind with malware attachments, some of which were spoofing My domain. In the two years I’ve had this domain and email I have not received ONE piece of spam. This is because I am very careful about using My address publicly. But, somehow, in the span of a week, and without having My email anywhere public, a bunch of spammers had My email and start sending Me phishing schemes with malware.

I did some research on this host and found some other people complaining about the surge in spam. One guy went into an analysis of the mail servers, IP addresses, etc. and came to the conclusion that this host must be aiding spammers in some way. I wish I would have found this before I signed up with them. Obviously, I would have never moved there. Since I wasn’t interested in hanging around long enough to see if it would get worse, so, in a bit of a panic, I moved.

The second host, while very secure and professional, did not offer IMAP/POP support. This is a major downer for Me and was initially why I didn’t go with them as My first choice, but in My panic, changed My mind because I wanted security and trust. Well, after signing up and paying the annual fee, discovered that I cannot create subfolders(!!). Never in a million years would I have imagined an email host, quickly gaining global popularity, not offering subfolders! They have “labels”. This is like color coding things and will not work for the intricate way I organize all My email.

Now, I’m on My third. This one, while secure, is not considered the most secure email in the world (#2). It offers support for My own domain, IMAP/POP, and…subfolders! The price is very reasonable, too. Another good thing is they allow a 30-day trial.

I’m in the process of changing the DNS to reroute everything through them. I really hope this works. I’m running out of solid options. I will not use Google, Yahoo, or other behemoths who are known to violate privacy and snoop through email. I’d say fuck all of this and start My own mail server…if I knew how to do that.

Sadly, this also means wasted money. None of the people will offer refunds for the plans I purchased and am not using — even though it’s been 12 days and less than 2 days, respectively.

Additionally, I had two session cancellations last week, two people go MIA who wanted a session this week, and, well, let’s just say, this is the unpredictability of this business which can be tough.

Today, I don’t feel well and have been in bed most of the day.

Calgon, take Me away.

The Trouble With Professional BDSM

Some people seem to have a lot of issues with providing BDSM as a professional service. The group I’m most confused about are the “lifestyle” BDSM practitioners. Some of them have a problem with the lifestyle Dominants/submissives/switches who are also professional. They don’t seem to understand that you can be both; they are not mutually exclusive. In fact, being both can be amazing, if you are able to make it work for you.

First of all, I want to clarify, for those that don’t know, the term “lifestyle”* and how it’s used in BDSM. It implies that BDSM and fetish play is something you do in your day-to-day life. You do it because you enjoy it; you are genuinely into it. It is your “lifestyle”.

When someone is strictly a lifestyle BDSM practitioner, they generally don’t ask for compensation. Sometimes they may ask their play partners to help provide toys, safety and cleaning supplies, etc. but it’s usually negotiated casually and not expected of the Dominant and/or top to supply. I am a “lifestyle” Dominant in that I genuinely am into BDSM and practice it in My personal life.

Onto professionals. This is where some people get their “lifestyle” harnesses in a bunch. I regularly encounter other lifestylers who have difficulty grasping that one can be genuinely into BDSM and also do it professionally. This confusion leads to a lot of misinformation and abuse. They call Us “fake” and “money-grubbers” and “prostitutes”, without understanding that what We do is no different than someone who really loves to fix cars and does it for friends and family, but also does it for a living, i.e. gets paid to do it.

Now, do these confused people also call doctors, makeup artists, and journalists those same names? No. They are lauded for their education and training and sharing their knowledge and experience and creativity. They are thanked for the service they provide to others.

BDSM professionals, however, are often not treated with the same respect. Despite Our having spent years learning techniques and safety through books and classes and mentors, accumulating the tools and wardrobe of Our trade, securing a space to practice Our craft, etc. — like any other professional — We are routinely treated poorly by the non-professionals in the BDSM community. They sometimes consider themselves the “real” practitioners of BDSM. This is nonsense. Anyone who is doing it is just as real as anyone else. We may love it just as much as you – and quite possibly more. Those of Us who are truly into BDSM don’t suddenly become “fake” when We make it Our vocation, We are dedicated. Wanting to help people be happy and fulfilled – including Ourselves – doesn’t make Us “prostitutes” (not that there is shame in being one), it makes Us smart. We aren’t “money-grubbers”, We, like everyone else, want to be paid for what we provide to others.

Imagine a person who loves to teach and wants to become a teacher. Once they get paid to teach, does that mean they suddenly stop enjoying teaching others? That they are only in it for the money? That they don’t care about their students? All because they get paid to do it? Of course not. Then why do people seem so confused about when someone offers BDSM professionally?

One issue that I believe makes this difficult for some people to understand is that many people just don’t know how to deal with eroticism. Since sex is taboo in most societies, primarily because of religion and other sexually repressed groups and individuals, the cumulative effect of years – centuries – of indoctrination about the “evils” of sex and the body is that people just short-circuit when it comes to thinking about it, watching it, doing it, and even the notion of paying for it. So, when people are asked to compare work like farming with work like tying someone up and spanking them, they just lose all ability to think analogously because of the negative effects of this indoctrination. “But-but farming is good…and-and bondage is bad!” Why is that? Because growing food and selling it to people who are hungry for corn or wheat is somehow more noble than selling (consensual) bondage to people who “hungry” for rope or chains?

Another issue is that the bulk of people who are professional are women. It’s almost always the women who are treated like garbage and called names. Men are not treated with nearly as much contempt. Sure, there aren’t as many of them (less demand, for one), but for those that exist, I never have seen them questioned, treated with such cynicism, and berated the way women are. Why? Misogyny.

One of the cornerstones of most societies is that women are sex objects. This is an interesting irony when sex is usually a taboo subject. Because of these mixed messages, some very real, lose/lose dilemmas are created for women (a subject to explore in another article). Our job is to provide idealized and unwavering beauty, on-demand arousal, and erotic and/or sexual satisfaction at the whims of any man who desires it, but to make a living at it? Unacceptable. We are not supposed to be making money off the thing We are supposed to be providing for free.

In closing, I’d like to pose some questions to those who have a problem with professional BDSM. Is your issue that those of Us who ask for a fee to provide (always consensual) power exchange, bondage, flogging, femme play, etc. think that what We do somehow diminishes you and/or BDSM as a whole? That women shouldn’t be charging to provide people with erotic experiences? Or is it that you are envious that We are disciplined, dedicated, and talented enough to make a living doing it?

tl;dr: Being a BDSM professional does NOT mean:

– We do not genuinely like and enjoy what We do (Some of Us have been doing this for years and years.)

– We are only in it for the money (But if someone is, no big deal; it’s no different than any other profession.)

– We are all “prostitutes” (A way to shame women who have the audacity to own their bodies and sexuality and capitalize on their erotic interests and talents.)

– We do not care about Our clients (This doesn’t even make sense.)

*I personally don’t like the term “lifestyle” and use it reluctantly (and in quotes). The reason is that the term “lifestyle” is something that is often used pejoratively by those who have problems with people who do things they do not approve of, such as people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, queer, trans*, etc.; they will say someone is “living the gay lifestyle”. The intent behind the phrase is to imply that people are choosing to live as they do, which is of course repugnant to them,  and the effect of this is that it disenfranchises them as deviants from society’s acceptable code of conduct. I don’t feel like I’m living the “BDSM lifestyle”, but that it’s just a part of who I am. So, instead of “lifestyle Domme”, I prefer something like “genuine Dominant” or “Alpha Femme”.

Beware of

When popped up, I noticed people flocking to it. It seemed like it might be a step up from other similar sites because, for one, they have a more attractive interface. However, being the cautious, not-so-easily-lead, and nonconformist type, I held back. So many people seem so quick to get listed on any new site without asking questions like:

  • Who runs this site?
  • Are they trustworthy?
  • Do they have good business practices?
  • What are they doing with the information I submit?
  • Is the information secure?
  • Could this be a scam?
  • Could My reputation be affected by listing Myself here?

Well, I read’s Terms and Conditions and was very displeased to see that anything you transmit through their site — word, images, ideas — essentially becomes theirs to use in whatever way they see fit.

Here it is, taken directly from their site:

Personal Communications and License to Your Content – Right to Block or Remove Content

  • You acknowledge and agree that your communications with other Users or Members via emails, chats, conferences, bulletin boards, blogs, posts and any other publicly accessible avenues of communication through the Services are public and not private communications. Therefore, we strongly encourage you to use caution before disclosing any personal information about yourself in your public communications. We are not responsible for information that you choose to communicate to other users or members, or for the actions of other users or members, and you agree to indemnify us and hold us harmless from any losses, liabilities, damages or expenses you may incur due to such communications or actions. Except as provided in our Privacy Policy, once you post, send or otherwise make publicly available any Content through the Services (‘Personal Content’), you expressly grant us, and hereby represent that you have the right to grant us, a perpetual, irrevocable, world-wide, assignable, sub-licensable, and transferable right and license to quote, re-post, use, copy, reproduce, modify, create derivative works of, incorporate into other works, distribute, transmit, broadcast, communicate, publicly display, publicly perform and otherwise exploit such Content in any form or media, anywhere, and without any notice or compensation to you of any kind. You hereby grant us all consents, rights and clearances to enable us to use such Personal Content for such purposes. Personal Content may be searchable by, and you may be able to view and search Personal Content on, different websites (i.e., different URLs in the form of ‘co-brands’ or ‘private labels’) operated by us or our affiliated entities. Personal Content may also be searchable by third-party search engines, such as Google, Yahoo and Bing. []

Yes, that’s right: When you use their site — including EMAILS and CHATS — it’s all considered PUBLIC information. Of this public information, they get to take anything they want in the form of a quote (or misquote), reproduction, modification (of your photos, for example), create a derivation or incorporate it into other works (imagine the possibilities…and profits), take and display or perform anywhere they choose, but they also get to sub-license it to any affiliate, PERPETUALLY AND IRREVOCABLY! (read: now and forever without you calling a do-over)


Why is anyone using this shady-ass site?? None of Us are really that desperate for yet another BDSM directory, are We?

And what about the pros who are careful about where they advertise or are known? Well, using means that now you are ostensibly placing that power in their hands.

Another kicker? I happened to notice they had My logo on their links page. I did not authorize this. A “Bruce”, from the “admin team”, said he doesn’t know where they obtained it. Well, I do: it was stolen from My website. I know this because I have not used it anywhere else, and it’s not hotlinked; I turned that off.

Now, you may think, “But, Mistress Tissa, isn’t that a good thing? They want to help you by listing you on their site!” No. It’s a shitty, unprofessional, and illegal thing.

#1: It’s never OK to steal someone else’s content.

#2: Since one of My images is (was) on their site, does this mean they believe they are granted all the rights they claim above?

#3: The links (and listing) page is actually useless, and does not help Me or other professionals.

Truly, fellow professionals, it’s pure vanity. A huge page full of banners is nearly pointless. (As is the page which states when a Domme was added.) It only makes those who are easily-won-over feel like has done something useful for you. It doesn’t really help people find you and book a session with you. I mean, do you really think people are going to sit there and comb through all those banners to find someone in their area? No. Just like someone isn’t going to look at hundreds of banners for restaurants all over the world when all they want to know is where they can eat in the Spokane, Washington area. Sure, people perusing the banners may get you a little exposure, but you can get that elsewhere without someone trying to steal and claim rights to everything you do on their site.

I hope that those who are currently using the site reconsider. Or, in the very least, demand they change their terms.


One more policy update

Due to the behavior of some inconsiderate and flaky people, I am shortening the rescheduling period to ONE MONTH.

This means that once you put down a deposit on a session, I will understand that you are as serious and committed to it as I am. If you need to reschedule, I understand; shit happens. As long as you provide Me with the notice I request, your deposit can be applied to O/our rescheduled session. However, if you do not reschedule and complete a session within a month, or you cancel and reschedule three times, your deposit will be null and void.

Previously, I had offered (a very generous) two months, but I have had a cluster of some people who can’t seem to get their shit together and have dragged Me along for those two months — even asking for MORE time. I had to decline to session with a couple of them because, as you might imagine, these things affect how I feel about sessioning with someone.

This is exactly why people ask for deposits. Because for these people I eventually declined to session with, at least I received some compensation for all the time I spent corresponding with them and trying to help them find fulfillment.

Now, that said, on occasion someone does have a legitimate reason to need more time. I am understanding and open to a dialogue about that. However, if I feel you’re just wasting My time, I will cut you loose. I expect My time to be respected in the same I way I respect yours.

N.B. This does not mean that during that month I will engage in an ongoing, detailed conversation about a person’s kinks or whatever it is they want to talk about. I’m not here to provide free wank material; I’m here for real-time BDSM. Enough talk! Let’s do!


No posts for a couple weeks because I was busy with an intensive for grad school, which was immediately followed by some leisure time in Southern California. The intensive lived up to its name and so the little vacation afterward was much needed. I spent My days under cloudless, sunny skies; lying on beautiful beaches; and enjoying daily shopping — my favorite kinds of therapy.

Now, back in Philadelphia, and with a little time before the next phase of my coursework begins, I am further expanding My online presence. After hemming and hawing for a while, I decided to pay for an ad on Eros, which you can see here. (What do you think?) Hours after I submitted it, I received both an email and voicemail saying they had blocked My account because of content violations.

I knew I was playing with fire, but because I’m a rebellious Alpha, I had to push on those boundaries a little. I censored instead of removed any of Eros’s banned words that were in My ad. Well, that in combination with the way I worded some of My interests got Me thrown to the “legal services” team for review to determine whether or not I would be kicked out of the adult party or would be asked to stay and play nice. It’s all an absurd game, really, because none of this “you can’t say the word ‘sex’ or ‘anal’ or allude to…” would be a problem on a fucking ADULT site if everyone (1) stopped trying to maintain a theocracy in the “land of the free”, and (2) worked on healing their Shadow.

So, I’d like to take a moment to give a hearty fuck you to all the puritanical bastards who made/make laws that control people’s sex lives. I find it mindblowing that it is in ANY way permissible to legislate the insecurities of other people. I am completely against anyone telling Me or anyone else what W/we can and cannot do with O/our bodies. Despite My total disagreement with the law, I play by the rules because I love what I do and want to keep doing it.

Good news is that Eros was lovely about it and didn’t close My account. The supervisor I spoke with said that while he thought My ad was awesome and he hated having to ask Me to change it, I would need to to keep things kosher. So, he unlocked My account, I changed it, they approved it, and up it went earlier today — and I already have people interested in a session. So, hooray!

I’m itching to play, so I hope these inquiries prove good. Meanwhile, I have a shit-ton of reading to do in My courses! Better get to it…