How To Properly Ask For a Session or Call

When you contact me asking for a session, chat, coaching call, whatever, can you PLEASE follow my very logical protocol?

I’m worn out from receiving emails like this:

“Hi, Mistress, can I schedule X with you?”

If I’ve seen or spoken with you in the past year and have not explicitly told you that we are either are not suited for one another or you cannot contact me, then yes you may schedule something with me.

For BDSM:

  1. Please include the day(s) and time(s) you’re interested in. This is great for me to have up front because I cannot schedule you if I don’t have it and have to ask for it anyway. So, let’s cut out an unnecessary email, please. (If you’re wondering if I’m available for your preferred date? Conveniently, I have a SCHEDULE page for you to look at before you contact me.)
  2. Please be sure to include your session interests and any changes to your limits or health since I saw you last. If you do not indicate any I will assume they are the same.
  3. If it’s been over a year since I’ve seen or spoke with you, please submit a new session request form on my CONTACT page. Do not send an email asking about this. Just go fill out the form. Mention you have seen me before, in case I forgot.

For coaching/consulting:

  1. Please send the fee for the call using my private payment link and then send me an email with your preferred day(s) and time(s) to talk. If you do not have the payment link, please ask for it. At the same time you ask for it, please provide me with your preferred day(s) and time(s) to speak. If you send an email with your preferred day(s) and time(s) without sending payment I cannot schedule you for a call. Please include what kind of support you are looking for.
  2. If it has been over a year, please complete the coaching form again. As with a session, do not email me. Just go fill out the form and mention that we have had coaching before.

When providing your preferred day(s) be sure to include the TIME.

Because I’m also worn out from:

“Mistress, can I request a session with you next Tuesday for 2 hours?”

To which I may reply, “Terrific, I’ll put you down for 4pm.”

To which I sometimes receive a reply like:

“Oh, Mistress, I can only do 8pm.”

To which I feel frustrated because you could have told me that when you asked for the session.

You have to understand that I can be busy talking to multiple people and receiving several emails. So, efficiency helps reduce error and also keeps me save. Yay, sanity!

When you take up enough of my time with a volley of emails I may tell you to send a tribute to help placate The Beast Goddess who gets tired of explaining the same obvious things over and over. (Especially when they are clearly explained in my protocol and FAQ.) Thank you so very much.

Is it Mistress Tissa or a Scammer?

Worried that you’re actually talking to me and not a scammer?

I have good news for you: it’s VERY EASY to tell.

  1. Did someone randomly contact you and ask you for money? NOT ME. I will NEVER cold contact you for ANY reason and ask for a payment of any kind.

When will I ask for payment? When you ASK FOR A SESSION THROUGH MY WEBSITE. That’s it. Nowhere else. If you have not completed my form then I will never ask you for any kind of payment. It’s that simple.

That means I do not consider any messages through FetLife or Twitter or anywhere else as a legitimate request. In fact, they are ignored. Therefore, if someone is saying they’re me and they’re asking you for money through any site but mine IT IS NOT ME.

2. Did you receive an email and it is not from my domain, mistresstissa.com? NOT ME. I do not use emails with generic domains, such as Gmail, Yahoo, Hotmail, Mail, Protonmail, etc for my business correspondence.

3. Did you receive a text directly from a cell phone? NOT ME. I do not text people from my cell phone — EVER. I only text through NiteFlirt. This means you have to be logged onto NiteFlirt and contact me through their interface.

4. Did you randomly receive an instant message (IM)? NOT ME. The only time I use IM is when someone completes the session request form, asks for an IM session, and then sends tribute for it.

5. Did someone randomly tell you to call them directly? NOT ME. I will never ask to speak with you unless you request a session using the form on my contact page. I NEVER call people to book a session without first having the answers to the questions on my form. I will also NEVER call you or ask you to call me for casual chat through a direct phone line. The only time I will suggest casual chat is through NiteFlirt.

Mistress, how do I know the account I saw is actually you?

Here are the places I have an account:

That means I am not on:

  • OnlyFans*
  • clip-selling sites*, like Clips4Sale (if you see any of my little video clips anywhere but my site/blog or on Twitter, they’re pirated…in which case, please report them as stolen and certainly don’t pay for them as all my clips are free at this point)
  • Eros (I stopped using this site in 2018 after I heard some reports they became a clandestine government operation)
  • Facebook (I had a business page briefly set up in like 2015 but came to my senses and deleted it shortly thereafter)
  • Instagram*
  • Tumblr*
  • Tryst*
  • Seeking Arrangements*
  • CollarMe/CollarSpace (I used to have an account there but they deleted it because I made fun of how shitty the site is)
  • Alt.com*
  • Hot.com*
  • dating sites*, like OKCupid or Match (why the fuck would a Dominatrix be trying to get clients on a dating site?)
  • any escort sites* (because I’m not an escort)
  • anywhere else that is not listed above

(* never used)

Mistress, how do I know that the advertisement I saw is really you?

Here is where I have listings:

  • DickieVirgin.com
  • Mistress-Guide.com
  • Pandemos.net
  • DominaGuide.com
  • SeriousMistresses.com
  • Domina.ms
  • FetLife.com

In the event I’m forgetting some directory or posting, there is a very easy way to know if the link on a site is actually taking you to me: you will be directed to MISTRESSTISSA.COM. That is it. I do not have any other websites.

I’ve had a few people over the years mention being approached or scammed by someone pretending to me. This just happened yesterday. The gentlemen was contacted on a site I have never used. He went so far as to send a deposit to this person.

If you gentlemen would listen to us pros when we tell you to go to our websites and read them, you would learn how we do business. If you learned how we do business, you would learn how we DON’T do business and you would save yourself from being scammed by an impersonator.

If this is all too difficult for you to process, remember this simple rule:

If someone claims to be us and is asking you for money — STOP. Go look up our website. Then contact us through our site to confirm it is us BEFORE YOU EVER SEND ANY MONEY.

If you do not do this and get scammed you cannot blame me or pro Dommes in general. We have warned you time and time again.

Cleaning: Know What You’re Doing

I always have a pretty strong suspicion that someone doesn’t understand how to properly clean when they say something like,

“I always sterilize my furniture.”

Someone

…because you can’t sterilize furniture.

You should know this stuff before you ever accept a client. You don’t want your ignorance about what you’re doing to set up conditions for someone to get an infection or develop a disease.

Learn about universal precautions. And then use them.

Know Your Limits

When you approach me for a scene please make sure that you can tell me your limits, not just your interests. Lately, I have noticed more people are not prepared and don’t know what theirs are. They’re approaching me for a session and have sometimes no idea about what they’re not okay with.

For my play-style, this is a problem. Your limits are actually more important than your interests as they tell me important boundaries that I cannot cross. This is essential for me to know so I, you know, don’t cross them.

What’s happening is that during the scene consultation I start asking about limits and I’m getting “I’m not sure” or “I don’t know” kind of answers. Then I’m spending valuable time asking if this or that is okay when I should be spending it on other things. The consultation is not the place for me to help you figure out your own rules but to ask you clarifying questions about them, if needed. Figuring things out can take a lot of time and will quickly eat up the call.

If you’re not aware, there are (at least) two categories of limits: “hard” and “soft”. Everyone seems to be in agreement that “hard” are things that are completely off the table, but “soft” has some confusion. I see most people define it as “things you don’t really like doing but will do if the Mistress wants to do them”. I don’t think that definition makes sense as you are not telling me a limit but a preference. A limit is a boundary. There is no boundary in that you don’t really like wax play but will do it if I like it. So, I define “soft” as something that falls between being completely OKAY or completely NOT OKAY.

In short:

HARD limit: done under NO conditions.
SOFT limit: done under CERTAIN conditions.

For example:

If femme play (aka “feminization”) was a hard limit it means you’re not okay with any kind of femme play. There are no conditions by which you’re willing to do anything femme related.

If femme had a soft limit, it means you have specific conditions around it. It could be that you’re only okay with panties OR panties and stockings OR everything but makeup, etc.

If femme play has no limits, then you’re okay with anything femme related.

I realize that new players may honestly not yet know their limits. I get that. However, you still should have some idea of what you are absolutely not interested in incorporating into a scene, or even what kinds of things you’d be okay with as much as you can imagine having them done to you.

I have hard new players say things like, “Mistress, I’ve never done bondage before. I think I’d be okay if you tied my wrists or ankles down but I’m not sure about both yet.” You have just given me a soft limit.

If you’re having a difficult time coming up with your list a good place to start is my interests page. Go through the things I have listed there and add anything that you would not want in a scene to your hard limits or things that you have particular requirements about to your soft limits. Don’t worry about being afraid that you don’t get it right or that you end up wanting or not wanting to do something. You can change your limits at any time. But you should have this ready when you ask to play with someone. All good players — tops and bottoms — should be familiar with their partner’s limits.

If you would like personalized help I recommend scheduling a coaching call with me before you ask for a scene. I can go through a variety of things with you and we can hone in on your boundaries. I’m very good at this so you can feel confident that you will learn something about yourself during our call.

So, again, PLEASE BE PREPARED!

The Word “Mistress”

When encountering Dominatrices you will see many of us use the title “Mistress”. While some of us love it, some feel quite differently, believing it is somehow insulting to a woman, her role and value. I want to clear that up.

Mistress is the femme version of Master. It was first used around the 14th century to denote a woman who rules in some way and has power. It is thought to have originated from the Middle English “maistresse”, which stemmed from the Anglo-French “mestresse”, which is the feminine of “mestre” which means “master”. (“Maîtresse” is the modern French derivative.)

As you can see below, this is and has been its primary meaning. The definition of a mistress as an “other woman” came much, much later.

Source

In BDSM terminology, though the word technically has a more specific meaning of a femme assuming the M role in an M/s dynamic, as opposed to a D/s dynamic, it is extensively and loosely self-assigned by women who are professional Dommes and switches, even if they are not engaging in that form of power exchange with their play partners.

Some Dommes don’t like and use the term because they believe it implies they’re somehow subservient to the man or a “side chick”. This is understandable given how it has been used as a pejorative term in modern culture. However, if a woman has many men coming to her, married or not, sometimes doing so at their own peril, how is she subservient? How is she not the one with power? Perhaps the “other woman” meaning is in fact more a reflection of the original definition of a woman who “possesses, own, or controls” than some are inclined to believe. 😉

Article: Kinky Sex Could Be the Secret to Your Success

“Many successful visionaries throughout history, from artists to scientists and even politicians, have had well-documented kinks and fetishes that affected how they operated in their daily lives.

A wave of recent research has confirmed this: If it’s something you desire in the first place, kinky sex can benefit you not just in the bedroom, but outside of it as well. “Unconventional” sexual practices and fantasies, such as BDSM, group sex, or role play, have been shown to reduce psychological stress, improve mental health and can help with satisfying and communicative relationships. Kinky people have also been found to have higher self-worth than those who are too afraid or ashamed to pursue their fantasies

People who engage in BDSM and kink have been found to be happier, more conscientious and less neurotic than people who don’t engage in so-called “deviant” sex. “

More confirmation of what many of us have known all along: kink is healthy and has tangible benefits.

Full article here: https://www.harpersbazaar.com/culture/features/a12231118/how-kinky-sex-leads-to-career-success/ (worth the read)

Position, Role, and Fetishism

I believe one of the most pervasive misunderstandings in kink is the difference between top and bottom, Dominant and submissive, and fetishism. In My experience, this confusion is not limited to people who are new to the culture, but people who have been involved in it for many years and don’t quite seem to know what they are and which apply to them. Because I think it is a fundamental aspect to concise negotiations and overall better experiences, allow Me to explain.

The first thing that is helpful to think about is that our experiences are multi-dimensional. Whether that experience is kinky or not, there is never just one thing going on at a time. Even if you’re just sitting there, breathing, your body is completing a multitude of tasks at once: your heart is beating, your body temperature is being regulated, and your immune system is on alert. Likewise, in kink, there is more than one thing going on. Three of those things are the focus of this article.

The three things are: topping and bottoming, or what I’ll call “position”; Dominance and submission, or what I’ll call “role”; and fetishism. While they all relate to one another, they have distinct differences which are helpful to understand, not only for self-awareness but when seeking out others for play. Understanding which concepts best describe you can help you hone in on who and what it is you’re looking for.

First, I’ll define position. When someone assumes the active position in play, we call that person the “top”. This is the person who provides the sensation, physically and/or emotionally. This means it’s the person who is spanking, tying, spitting, humiliating, or penetrating. The complement is the person who assumes the passive position, what is called the “bottom”. This person receives the sensation, physically and/or emotionally, that the top is providing. This means it’s the person being spanked, being tied, being spit upon, being humiliated, or being penetrated. Of course, one can do both, and when someone does they’re called a “switch” or “versatile”. Note that this doesn’t say anything more than who is giving and who is receiving.

Next, we have role. Consider that in life, there are people whose role is to lead or assume control and there are people whose role is to follow or to relinquish control. This dynamic applies to kinky play as well. The person who leads or controls play is called a “Dominant”. Dominants make the decisions about how and when the spanking, tying, spitting, humiliating, or penetrating will take place. The person who follows or is controlled in play is called a “submissive”. A submissive is not there to make the decisions about how and when the (negotiated) activities occur, their role is to submit to the decisions of the Dominant. In BDSM culture, we call this dynamic “D/s”, which is short for “Dominant/submissive” or “Dominance/submission”.  It’s what the middle two letters in BDSM stand for. (There is another dynamic which we call “M/s”, which is short for Mistress/slave or Master/slave, and is another form of power exchange which has different expectations, but I’m not going to go into that here.) Note that this doesn’t say anything about who is creating or receiving the sensation; only who is in control of it.

Lastly, there’s fetishism. When the term “fetish” was first introduced in the early 20th century, it was used to describe something that needed to be present in order for someone to feel sexual arousal. Since then, it’s grown beyond its clinical beginnings to more broadly encompass something that is not considered inherently sexual but causes sexual arousal, such as shoes, being put in a diaper, being tied to a chair, or being slapped in the face. And now, we also have a pop culture concept of “fetish” which can be anything someone is fixated on, including things we think of as sexual.

A fetish is a subjective experience. What is a fetish for one person may not be for another. Because it is subjective, it will therefore involve personal variables about what, when, and how the fetish manifests. Fetishes may be common between people, such as seeing a woman put on pantyhose, or be unique to that individual, such as that it must be Mistress Belinda putting on nude, Cuban-heel, thigh-high stockings with black contrast. Note that this says nothing about giving or receiving, or about power dynamics, just arousal.

Now, I’ll describe some of the confusion people seem to have with these layers.

Probably the most common misunderstanding I see is the conflation of position and role. While it is common for the person assuming the top position to also be the Dominant, that isn’t always the case. Sometimes a person can control the way in which they receive sensation. If Mistress Belinda says, “Lick My stockings!” how would we describe her position and role? Well, because Mistress Belinda is both dictating the action and receiving the licking, she is acting as a Dominant bottom. The party that is agreeing to follow Her command and provide the licking is acting as a submissive top. Another term you may hear used to describe a submissive top is “service top”. This person submits to requests/orders/control about how they will provide sensation to another.

Perhaps the second most common misunderstanding is the difference between wanting to assume a role and wanting to assume a position. It is common that people who say they want to Dominate or submit don’t actually want to do those things at all. Someone may say they’re submissive, but what they really want is to bottom. That is, they want someone to take the active role in creating sensations for them, not submit to someone else’s control about how those sensations happen. Likewise, some who consider themselves “Dominant” are really tops, in that they enjoy creating sensation for others, but they want someone to tell them what they want them to do, and then they’ll do it.

Maybe the third most common misunderstanding is the confusion between what it means to actually exchange power and to fetishize it. There are many people who say they want a Dominant or submissive, whether it be for play or a relationship, but what is really going on is that they actually just have a fetish for it. What does that mean, exactly?

Submissive and slave, like Dominant and Mistress/Master, are words we use to describe the way power is exchanged. Fetishism is not about power, it’s about arousal. Because a fetish is about arousal, to fetishize something is to be aroused by one’s own subjective perceptions about a person or object. It’s a form of appropriation, or assigning a value to something based on one’s own feelings or beliefs about it rather than what it actually is. For example, being aroused by someone with glasses because they’re assumed to be more intelligent or by a person with blonde hair because they’re assumed to be less; certain ethnicities because they are “exotic”; or Dominant women because they are believed to exist to be a service top to men’s sexual fantasies.

Since a person’s ideas and fantasies may in no way reflect the reality of the person or object, it is said the person or object is being fetishized. While fetishizing something is normal, it can be problematic. People may not welcome someone’s fetishization of them. This is not only because it’s appropriation, but because it’s a form of objectification. Nonconsensual objectification to serve another’s erotic and sexual desires is dehumanizing. This is why I believe it is especially important for fetishists to understand their motivations and responsibly negotiate them. Without this awareness, you are treading in very touchy terrain.

An example that encapsulates the three areas of this article is a man who identifies as a “submissive” and wants a “Dominant” woman that dresses, acts, feels, and speaks in the way that he desires. In actuality, this man is fetishizing a woman who he would like to control into being what he wants her to be. So, this man who thinks he’s a “sub” is actually a Dominant fetishist. If he wants her to do things to him, such as “tease and denial”, he’s also a bottom. If he wants to do things to her, such as body worship, he’s also a top. This relates to what we call “topping from the bottom“, a misnomer that really refers to “Dominating from the submissive role”. I can tell you that as lifestyle and professional Dominant with over a decade of experience playing with a lot of men, this is a very common situation.

So, what is happening here?

Many men seem to find the idea of being controlled by a woman to be sexually arousing, but the actuality of it is not what they are really looking for. There is a disparity between their fantasy of what She is like and the reality. This fantasy is often the result of the influence of media, such as pornography, on one’s ideas and perceptions.

Let me talk a little bit more about how porn can help create this situation.

Porn is a business, and its business is to arouse. Those who create porn must think of what arouses their audience. If their audience is men, they need to understand their fantasies. Since a person’s fantasies put them at the center, they do not necessarily reflect reality, where they aren’t the sole participant but part of an equation and set of circumstances with one or more people. (This isn’t a male or erotic phenomenon, by the way, but a natural byproduct of fantasy itself.)

In a FemDom clip, for example, the idea isn’t so much about depicting a woman actually being in control, as it is about her embodying what they think their (male) audience  wants her to be like. This is why it is common for Female Dominants to encounter men who expect Us to simply act out their fantasies without little to no regard about our part of the equation. (And, yes, Dominants can also be confused by the fantasy of what they believe they are supposed to be.)

The mixture of not understanding these concepts and the blurring between what is fantasy and what is reality can add to the confusion of who you are and what you are trying to accomplish. If you recognize what it means to be Dominated versus being be topped, or if what you are really feeling is a fetish, you will be able to find a more comfortable space in which to explore your kinks and further refine your experiences.

If you would like help figuring out your own kinky identity, I offer high-quality, personalized coaching.

Booking a scene with Me while I’m attending DomCon

You may have noticed that I don’t travel a lot. Or if I do it’s more of the “leisure” variety. So, if you reside in the Los Angeles area and don’t come My way often (if at all), or you will be attending DomCon, and would like to have an experience with Me while I’m there between May 8th and 13th, here are some things to think about:MistressTissa_Sultry_crop

  1. Consider your scene. What you want to do might work better on different days or at different times. Note: I will not be taking any scenes over 4 hours.
    • May 8: Good for private dungeon scenes or a hotel scene. I am coming in a day early to offer scenes without the distraction of the convention. I’m willing to session from multiple dungeons in LA.
    • May 9 – 13 evenings: Good for hotel room scenes. Hotel rooms can be versatile but are especially good environments for roleplays that might feel better outside of some dungeon settings, such as domestic, bedroom, office, kidnap, interrogation. I will be attending the events during the morning and afternoon on these days, so My time will be limited to 8pm – midnight.
    • May 11 and 12 evenings: These are the nights of Sanctuary’s two play parties. These are busy events with people playing everywhere. These are best for people who want public scenes, such as exhibitionists and those looking for scenes involving humiliation and/or service.
  2. Consider My specialties. I’m a Domme who naturally has a wide variety of interests and skills, including a strong aptitude for understanding psychology. Some of My scene specialties are authentic Domination/power exchange (as opposed to service topping), emotional intensity, humiliation and degradation (from playful to ruthless), rough body play, “beatdowns”, impact, and psychodramas (My approach is realism over fetishism). I also offer unique takes through My practices of Foot Domination (as opposed to “Foot Worship”) and Sensual Sadism (what others may call “Tease and Denial”).MistressTissa_NippleBitch_c
  3. I’m open to scenes involving two or more Dommes. There will be a quite a lot of Dommes from all over the world attending the conference. This is one of those rare opportunities to scene with more than one Domme that might rarely — if ever — come in contact with one another. So, take advantage of what might be a one-time opportunity. If you have an idea of what Domme(s) you’d like Me co-conspiring with, let Me know and I’ll inquire if They’re available and interested in your scene.
  4. Book in advance. If you plan ahead a bit, you’re more likely to get the time you want and I can make sure I bring specific things to craft your scene. Also, I prefer it because I don’t like rushing. Art should not be rushed, dahling! 😉
  5. Be aware of deadlines. The latest I will be able to accept an application before I leave Philadelphia is May 5th. This allows one day to speak with you and pack what I need for our scene before I leave for Los Angeles. The 7th will be too late. Once I’ve left Philadelphia, you are welcome to inquire, but you will have to be content with whatever clothes, shoes, and gear I’ve decided to bring.

 

Feeling hesitant because you don’t feel like you know enough about Me? Take a look at My website.

Concerned that I may not be a good Domme? Take a look at My testimonials.

Ready to request a scene? Inquire here.

I look forward to hearing from you!

Mistress Tissa

 

Hard Limits and Soft Limits

If you have spent any time experimenting with BDSM, you probably very quickly heard the term “hard limit”. Hopefully, you also heard about its close relative the “soft limit”. While they are both refer to limitations placed on the activities performed during scenes, they mean different things.

Before I discuss what they are, I want to mention that people have varying definitions of what they mean. So, you may run into explanations that differ from mine. This is how I define them.

First, I want to talk about a couple of common misconceptions. The first is that people (usually newer players) think that “hard” and “soft” refer to a to a scale of play intensity. So, when asked about their hard and soft limits, will say something like, “medium”. Another even more common idea is that a soft limit refers to something you have done and might not like very much, such as CBT or electrical stimulation (“e-stim”). Often this is followed by a, “but I’m okay doing it if you enjoy it, Mistress.” Those are not soft limits, they are preferences. Limits have to do with boundaries.

Then, what is a soft limit and how does it differ from a hard one?

A hard limit is non-negotiable. It is something you are not willing to do under any circumstances. This can be a never, ever kind of thing or it could be only for this one scene you’re negotiating with this one person(s) you’re about to play with.

A soft limit is negotiable but within certain parameters. It is something you are willing to do as long as certain conditions are met. Like a hard limit, a soft limit can be something that is static across time or it may depend on the scene and who’s involved in that scene.

Hard and soft limits apply to both physical or mental/emotional activities. Some examples of physical hard limits could be impact play, spitting, or anal stimulation. Turning the above examples into physical soft limits could be liking impact but only on your butt;  liking spitting, but not on your face; or enjoying anal stimulation as long as there is no penetration. Some emotional hard limits could be degradation, abandonment, or brainwashing. Turning these into emotional soft limits could be finding it hot to be called a slur as long as it’s playful and not “mean”; liking to be abandoned as a part of your scene but only if followed by a particular type of aftercare; or enjoying being verbally brainwashed about what your gender is but not your sexuality.

An easy way to determine if a limit on an activity is hard or soft is to ask yourself: “Am I willing to do this activity under ANY circumstances?” If the answer is NO, then you have discovered a hard limit. If the answer is YES, and you have specific requirements that must be met in order for you to do it, then you have identified a soft limit.

When you realize that you are willing to do an activity in some instances, think carefully about what those instances are. Imagine what circumstances would need to occur in order to allow something to be done or said to you. Inversely, imagine what circumstances would absolutely stop you from wanting to do it.

People often seem confused about the circumstances part. I regularly have people tell Me something like, “I have a hard limit on marks. They can’t last more than a day.” What you have actually just told Me is that you have a soft limit on marks. The reason is because you’re actually okay with being marked, it’s just that those marks have conditions. The condition is that they last no more than a day. If you could not be marked at all — that is, you cannot leave the session with a trace of anything — then it would become a hard limit.

Some limits are very clear for people and some limits are not. Physical limits are usually easier to determine. Emotional limits, on the other hand, are often nebulous territory. It’s common for people to say they are unsure about their emotional limits. They may indicate they enjoy being degraded, for example, but are not really sure where that enjoyment may end. Then, someday, during a scene, they hear a word or phrase or end up feeling a certain way after a particular scenario and realize they have just discovered at least one fence post in the field of their emotional landscape.

It’s okay if you’re not sure about what your limits are. Even experienced players may not be sure of what they will enjoy — especially with a new play partner — or be aware of all the conditions around a particular activity. One way to become more sure is to go into your play consciously. Have conversations about your scenes, maybe take notes or even journal about them. This will help you become more aware of what is working and what your limits may be and why.