(UPDATES are at the bottom of this entry.)
I seem to have a pretty big fan at the moment.
Someone is deeply obsessed with me and is spending an AWFUL LOT of time going around to a dizzying number websites trying to smear me.
Some of the many websites where you will see this person’s canon of work:
I believe all of the above sites are owned by the same person who runs “TheDirty.com”, a site known for its unregulated, trashy “stories”. This makes everything posted on it suspect, because without any regulation, it’s the perfect home for any anonymous person to make up anything at any time.
It seems these posts echo the same basic story, which this person has posted over and over and over in a feverish attempt to make me look like an awful person. (If you search for them, please don’t click on the links.)
Additionally, they have stolen several of my photos and posted them to some of these sites. I guess this is supposed to add credibility? Intimidate me? Create additional instances of their activity which can be traced and verified?
I was first made known of this person because they filled out the session application on my site. They made up something about wanting to session with me when they “visited the US” but changed their mind after they read some of this stuff. They included links to websites and told me I should be “ashamed” of myself for this thing they say I did.
Then, they sent me a taunting email letting me know that I have a penis and that I gave them herpes, and included more links to some websites so I could read even more about this.
They tried to use my email address to subscribe me to a couple of blogs where they discuss my having STDs and whatnot.
Obviously, all of this activity is the same lonely and disturbed person.
If you search for my name you will see the fruits of their labor. You will see them say they’re an experienced player of “20 years” and then make the following claims that I’m:
- “Trans” with a dick. Sorry to disappoint you, but I was born with a vagina. It seems they are confused about this. In the entry they created for me at “shesahomewrecker.com”, someone calls them out for first saying I was trans with a penis and then claiming I had a strap-on. So, apparently, they aren’t quite sure about their own story.
- An escort. I know some of you would love if I was an escort, but I’m not. I’m a Dominatrix.
- Sporting fake 34C tits. LOL! Not only are my tits home-grown, they’re much bigger.
- Infected with STDs, specifically “anal herpes”, which I am spreading to people. Not sure how this would happen since (1) I’m not positive for HSV2, the virus that causes genital herpes, (2) as stated, I don’t have sex with my clients, and (3) I clean the shit out of everything and use barriers to prevent spreading any bacterial, fungal, or viral infections that someone might have. (Check My FAQ question “How do you clean your dungeon?” for more info on what preventative measures I take and which pathogens my cleaner kills.)
- A “cheater”, “psycho”, “fraud”, “scammer”, and “homewrecker”. Did I forget anything?
- Guilty of “ruining [their] life”.
My goodness! Basically, they’re accusing me of being the OPPOSITE of who I actually am.
I’m really impressed with how truly dedicated they seem to be by foregoing their own life in the hope of trying to screw with mine. It’s SO MUCH WORK!
To do this can only mean their feelings are really, really hurt. And these hurt feelings have them in full-on retaliation mode. I’m trying to imagine what it would take for me to be in that kind of place emotionally and psychologically. To spend HOURS — DAYS — of My life to do something like this to someone else.
Who could it be? Some possibilities:
- Someone to whom I denied a session. I do this when I don’t think we were a good match and don’t want them to waste their money, or because they were very rude or seemed emotionally unstable. This “rejection” hurt them so badly they are blinded by anger as they repeatedly lash out against me and desperately seek affirmation from anyone who’ll “listen” about what a horrible person they want everyone to believe I am.
- Some guy’s wife/girlfriend/ex. She found him looking at the websites or/corresponding with/sessioning with a Dominatrix (maybe me) and now She’s going to get her revenge–on the wrong person. It’s common for people like me to be blamed for marriage problems. The truth is: I’m not responsible for people’s choices to do thing outside of their marriage. Most of the time I am unaware of the relationship status of those with whom I session. I know some are married, some are in open marriages, and some are single. I don’t pry or police this because, in a professional context, it’s inappropriate and not my responsibility to do so.
- Another Domme who believes I am a serious threat. I hate to say this, but the truth is that some Dommes are not very nice or stable people. A few of the most desperate might do all sorts of things to come out on top: lying, cheating, spreading rumors, etc. I mean, what a great way to try to get rid of your competition than to come up with a tabloid type story to get people to stop paying attention to one Domme and hopefully direct their attention to you instead? And to use classic fearmongering tactics to get others to believe that another Domme is a dangerous fraud who’s going to “ruin [your] life”? Obviously, THAT’S the Domme you need to watch out for, not me.
- Someone who didn’t like something I said on Twitter or Fetlife. I like to address the sexist, racist, homophobic, transphobic, or otherwise hateful garbage I encounter. And I’m pretty passionate about it. (Sue me.) For some in very fragile emotional states, this would be reason enough to pursue me.
- A career bully. Amazingly enough, this what some people do for a living. They find targets and engage in criminal activity for personal gain.
- A random person who has personal beef with people who fit his/her trauma profile. For example: someone cheated on him/her (a spouse), gave them an STD, and “ruined [their] life”, so now they’re going to go around and harass women they imagine are like the woman who hurt them. People like this live their lives in perpetual states of revenge. It how some folx try to process their trauma.
- Someone who cannot accept their desires and projects the resulting self-loathing onto others. That is: in his/her mind he/she is a righteous, pure person who thinks Dominatrices are immoral and do bad things, or perhaps more generally, they dislike people who do things of which they do not approve. In actuality, they have a deep desire to be with a Dominatrix and experience the kinds of things We do but because they do not accept this about themselves, they project the hatred they feel for this desire onto people, like me, who exhibit the self-acceptance they wish they could. The more anger and disgust he/she feels toward themselves for what he/she secretly wants to do, the more anger and disgust he/she directs at others for what they openly do. These people often invoke things like a deity (e.g God, Allah), a sacred text (e.g. the Bible, al-Quran,), a condemning philosophy (e.g. moralism, damnation), their own fears (e.g. STDs, the law, ruination), etc, to justify and buttress their angry, obsessive, abusive, and/or often hypocritical behavior and distract themselves from their own truth. This is fascinating behavior that humans commonly engage in.
…whichever it is, the person has my email, which I don’t publish. So they either obtained them by some dishonest way or they’re not a stranger. Ahem.
Now, let’s consider their story from a logical standpoint.
“I’ve been doing this for 20 years”
If this really was someone I had seen for a session and who had 20+ years of experience in the scene, that narrows it down to about 10 of my clients. (Yes, I know who has that much experience because long-time players love to talk about how long they’ve been in the scene.) All but one of those clients have visited me more than once. The one who didn’t was a perfect gentlemen and said he enjoyed our session and mentioned the possibility of doing doubles with another Domme. The rest have all said things like, “you’re amazing”, or “I loved our session”, or “you’re one of the best Dominatrices I’ve ever been with” (check out my testimonials if you want to read those reviews). Would that happen if I was really a fraud, infecting people with pathogens?
“She gave me the worst session of my life and herpes and ruined my family and stuff.”
Actual disgruntled clients don’t tend to repeatedly email and harass — especially if they were doing something behind their wife’s back! When people are leading secret lives, I PROMISE you they DO NOT want to stir ANY shit pot.
If you were unhappy with your doctor or plumber or someone you had cheated on your wife with, would you repeatedly email and provide them with links to endless websites in which you have posted dozens of “reviews” where you taunt them and detail this horrible treatment you say they gave you and how awful you think they are? No. You either discuss it with them (mature), leave a review and find another person to do business with (typical), and/or simply get on with your life (healthy). This continuous barrage of hostile contact is a psycho-emotional tactic to create fear in and manipulate the target. It’s a form of terrorism. When done through electronic-only channels, it’s what we call “cyberbullying”. This kind of activity can get you arrested, fined, and even jailed.
How have my actual clients behaved when less than happy with their session?
To be totally honest, this doesn’t happen often. I’m good at what I do and I really listen to my clients, so sessions with me tend to be enjoyed by both of us. The couple of times a client told me they weren’t totally happy with a session, we discovered it was due to miscommunication. It was either due to me not understanding something or them not effectively explaining what they were looking for. So, we talked about it and made adjustments if they decided they wanted to session with me again. In a handful of other instances in which a client didn’t say anything but I knew it didn’t quite work, it was because we just didn’t have chemistry. No big deal. It’s just how life works and it happens to everyone.
“Mistress Tissa is trans and really a man and has a dick!”
First of all, I love when people try to use trans women or the false equivalency of “really being a guy” or having a penis as an insult. Because apparently these are all very horrible things? I have had several trans female friends and they aren’t horrible at all. Neither is being a man or having a penis — but it sure is telling when someone tries to use that to humiliate a person that way. I mean, do they think men and penises are shameful or something?
Anyway, this person is right. I have a dick. Here it is:
(Actually, this is but one in my rather large collection of dicks.)
Anyway, mystery person, I’m really sorry if I or someone else hurt you so badly that it sent you into this destructive downward spiral where you’d direct so much energy lashing out like this, but I’d much rather we discuss it like adults.
I’m a very honest, mature individual who prides myself on my professionalism and integrity. I’m sure my clients would be happy to verify this. You can see for yourself if you choose to deal with this constructively. Feel free to email me and we can talk. I have an educational and professional background in psychology (it’s one of my superpowers, actually), so maybe I can give you a little counseling about whatever trauma you may have experienced. I just ask that you not continue to hide behind an anonymous proxy and free emailers that block your IP. That just looks, well, pretty much like you’re lying and you know it and that’s why you have to hide. I know it’s you anyway. And I know you like to keep looking at my website — especially my pics. 😉
However, if you prefer to continue using your time this way, I’d like to thank you for all the attention and free advertising. You’re directing some traffic to my site and people are spending time reading about me and the things I offer, such as my love for what I do and my offering a clean, confidential space for people to safely explore their identity and sexuality. Not only might this generate more business for me (some have mentioned that for someone to go to these lengths to tarnish my reputation I must be very good), but I’ve also gained allies. Both people who have themselves been targeted in a similar fashion and those who generally hate bullies and are ready to give their support.
So, while you may feel a little sense of accomplishment as some people may initially wonder if I’m as terrible as you are trying to make people believe I am, once they read about me, my reviews, maybe listen to my interview, speak with me on the phone, and hopefully session with me, they will see your story could never be true.
MARCH 2018 UPDATE: The person who has been targeting me has also been targeting multiple other Dommes in Philly (and some outside of Philly). We all know who it is: another Philadelphia Domme. Watch yourselves, ladies and gentlemen.
APRIL 2018 UPDATE: She has been at it again in the past few months. She has written a story about me being drunk during a session and stealing people’s money. If you do a search for other Philly Dommes you will see she has copied and pasted this story and simply changed the name of the Domme each time. She includes other details she makes up to frighten people. She has also posted it for herself to look less guilty, so you can’t use the process of elimination to figure out who it is. Just know it’s only more lies from a very ill person.
JULY 2018: Apparently this Domme is being sued by someone else for, guess what? Harassment and defamation.
AUGUST 2018 UPDATE: This article includes a woman who was targeted on a couple of the same sites that I have been targeted on:
While My life is certainly not “destroyed”, it’s just more pieces of someone else’s broken life that people like me have to pick up. Problem is that these sites are purposefully made so removing the pieces are very difficult, if not impossible. This is what these kinds of broken people bank on. What they don’t bank on is that they will be found out.
FEBRUARY 2023 UPDATE: Can you believe I’m making an update to an almost 6 year old post? It’s to say that I recently learned that some — if not all — of the above websites are actually run by a “man” named Scott Breitenstein. I found this out when he replied to my DMCA takedown and disclosed his name and that my stolen work was on several of his websites, which he listed, to accompany the defamatory stories, including “FraudsterOnline.com”. He is infamous on the internet for his history of maintaining trash sites and hosting revenge porn. He even had one of his sites shut down by Homeland Security because he cares so little what is posted on his sites that he allowed a terrorist to post a beheading. If you had any doubts about whether or not any of these stories were true, just do a search for this guy. There’s even an interview with him. Listen and you’ll see he’s a total bottom-feeder, content to make a living by creating sites to ruin people’s lives for the little money they make him. This guy is a perfect match for the self-loathing Domme who just can’t quit me. (Would you believe he says he’s a Christian? LOL!)