Tag: humor

Stocking Project – Still in Progress

Trying on stockings to see which are still in good shape.

And which ones aren’t.

How to Get A Goddess

Many men (or women) would love to date a Goddess. She is attractive, not necessarily conventionally so, but She has an energy about her that is alluring. She is intelligent, confident, capable. She loves her body and knows how enjoy it, unapologetically. She doesn’t need a man (or a woman)…but might consider one, if they’re on Her level.

Look at this specimen. An unkempt slob with dirty socks, cleaning his teeth with his finger. If you’re not aware, one of my talents is my ability to read minds. His is saying that he doesn’t understand why these bitches won’t fuck him. Or even talk to him. He makes a joke to himself about a hot chick getting one of his ball hairs stuck in her teeth while they’re in her mouth.

Now, look at this specimen. He is showered and you can’t see this but he trimmed his pubes. He obviously cares about his appearance. He appears to have collared and leashed himself. (He already did his research and knows She likes red fuzzy slippers in size 8.5. The order is on its way.) If you listen you can hear him quietly ask, “Goddess, how can I serve you today?” Good boy.

Get into it, gentlemen.

Domestic slave at work in My dungeon

Everything internets is hard (said like a Valley Girl)

So, I’m trying to do many things here on the internet…and none are easy. Here are some of the things:

  1. Configure my blog to look the way I want it. This is not as easy as I think it should be. When you select a theme (template), they come in varying levels of customization. I have tried between 8 and 10 and none of them offer the level of customization I want. I cannot hand-code the whole thing. It’s far beyond my coding knowledge , which is almost entirely HTML with forgotten bits of CSS, JS, and PHP. I tried to do research on some of these themes; how to get them to do things and not do things and behave. Just trying to figure out ONE theme ALONE was like an hour of reading.
  2. Add a subscription service to my blog. I had one when it was hosted on WordPress.com’s servers. It was automatically included and flawless. Here? Out in Dot Org land? You must find a “plugin” for everything. After doing EVEN MORE reading, and seeing that Mailchimp is recommended, I go to install the plugin. *click click click* Why are there 8 options?? And none of them appear to be made by the software engineers associated with this plugin. This is just ONE little thing I’m trying to do, people. One thing in a sea of many other things I will have to do to just get my blog the way it was. (Even getting to this point of importing it here on this server while still having the rest of my site on a different server and then then configuring everything so I could have it up and running was tedious — and that was having someone at Orange help me literally every step of the way.)
  3. Move my site. As I plan to move from my previous host to a new one (censorship concerns and the sudden suspension of my site is my worry), I’m in the shitty position of having made a site I like but not being able to move it somewhere else. This is the major con of using Wix as a host. Sure, you get an outstanding, highly-intuitive interface, but the code remains hidden from you. This means I cannot simply take my pages and FTP them to a new server. It means I have to REBUILD MY ENTIRE G.D. SITE FROM SCRATCH. If I want to try to recreate what I have now, it will not only require doing every little thing you see on there again, but I may have to teach myself some things in order to do it. It may also mean teaching myself other things in order to teach myself some things in order to do it. The thought of this makes me want to drink. Up until my early 30s, I taught myself anything I did not know and wanted to learn. Now? Fuck this nonsense. Can I pay someone? I’ll watch you do it while I enjoy my drink.

These are some of the reasons why people may buy a case of wine, forego hygiene indefinitely, and grow to despise their lives.

Modern day web things feel overly complicated. There are an overwhelming amount of options. Interfaces are confusing. And everyone wants their product to create dependency.

I miss Geocities*.

*I kid. I never had a site on Geocities. I taught myself how to code and made them in Notepad.

Or maybe I could just do this?

http://www.wonder-tonic.com/geocitiesizer/content.php?theme=1&music=1&url=mistresstissa.com

Someone Knew Exactly What They Were Doing #54: Say what?

Saw this at my local Home Goods store:

MistressTissa_Cornhole

 

*reads slowly* “Specifically designed for studios…roof tops…and…elevators” (???)

I don’t know about you, but I certainly enjoy a good, rousing *clears throat* sack toss in an…elevator…

Fantastic gifts from yesterday’s sessions

First, cj brought me two bottles of a wine I really enjoy (your timing is perfect, cj) …

…and then Beth brought Me a hilarious t-shirt and some art she had made for me:

MistressTissa_20oct2018

Since it may be hard to see the image from this photo, here is it up close:

MistressTissa_beth_art

I LOVE that she included my cat, Phoebe. Her collar says “DM” for “Dungeon Mistress”. Beth explained that one time when I had to run upstairs for something before our session, Phoebe was pacing by Temenos as if she was guarding it.

I also received an Amazon gift card a few days ago from MJ with the message, “Just your content alone makes me convinced you could guide me to legitimate submission.” That was another lovely surprise.

Thank you, all!!

Someone Knew Exactly What They Were Doing #51: Does Anyone Eat Sausage Like This

 

KosteleckeUzeniny

No. No, they don’t. Which is why this logo for a famous sausage maker from the Czech Republic is included in this edition of SKEWTWD.

I mean, there’s even a version where this hungry cocksucking dandy is letting the cum drip out of his mouth:

KosteleckéUzeniny2

Look at him. He’s positively delighted to be sucking co–I mean eating a very long, fat sausage.